Christian dating?

"If you have already met someone, patience is just as important was if you were still waiting to met someone. Don't rush it. Take your time and get to know the person without any pressure or commitment. Don't be in a hurry to move forward with the relationship. If this is God's best for you, then he or she isn't going anywhere. Don't let him or her push you to move too fast, either. Hold your ground. Remember: If this is God's best for you, he or she will be willing to slow down and get to know you at your pace. God has a plan. You can trust him because he's proven to that he is trustworthy. Take your time getting to know someone. Limit the physical aspect of your relationship until you are sure about him or her."
- (an excerpt from "Patience" by J.J.)

Should Christian dating be approached differently than regular dating? Yes, it should. How? That's where I'm at right now. I mean, I guess I do know "how" but generally speaking, the answer to "how" is quite unpopular in today's society. But, the beauty in it, is that once we stumble across the right person - "God's Best" - he or she will not question your wanting to approach relationships differently. And if they are opposed, then you simply know that you know -- #YoureNotForMe. It should not be the question: "What can we do and get away with?", instead, it should be: "What can be do to ensure that we are honoring God?" How beautiful is that?

Romans 12:2

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Renewing my mind — to resemble the good, acceptable and pleasing will of God and not what is good, acceptable and pleasing to the general society — is easily one of the hardest yet most necessary decisions that I have made while deciding to live a God-centered life. I’m talking a life that is truly fashioned after His principles and standards - not one that just flirts with the idea of doing so. When you finally commit to it — there may come a point where you are feeling completely misunderstood by those around you. People will make you feel as though you are silly for doing, or not doing, the things you do. For speaking the way that you do, for believing what you do. Abstaining for sex? Prude. Speaking out of faith? You sound crazy. There may come a time where you feel as though there’s no one to turn to that can hold you spiritually accountable. Or no one to kick back and have a truly spiritually gratifying conversation with. Honestly, living by God’s Word truly is not a popular thing to do in today’s society — and definitely not within the undergraduate college culture. But, that’s okay. Once you realize God’s plan for your life, things become a bit easier and bit clearer. I much rather please God than please the world. If living a life that is honorable before God means taking the path less traveled — be it the unpopular route or any other route, I will take it. Gladly.

All my single ladies, All my single ladies... press play :)

vulnerability.

You never truly realize how much the last person hurt you until someone new attempts to walk into your life. That person unknowingly walks into the prison in which you have locked yourself — greeted by the brick walls that tower around your heart. They are stuck trying to bulldoze through deep-rooted walls and trying to pry into the dead-bolted steel box that you have locked your emotions into.You find yourself wanting to let the person in but something deep within you just won’t let you go there… you feel apprehensive… you’re confused. Been there? It’s that one moment of vulnerability that makes you realize that the last person who hurt you is still hurting you by affecting your relationships. You’re “over” them, yet in still, they have a hold on your life. And hopefully, it’s that same moment of truth that opens your eyes and helps you realize that you cannot let past disappointments of life affect the way you live in the present. Going through life with your heart guarded is a safe place to live but it’s not a happy place to live. All that you will do is end up pushing away the very people who care the most about you. Take risks. Be vulnerable at times. Live your life openly. Love freely.

smile.

let the past remain there.

Forget the former things,
Do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

Isaiah 43:18-19

hope vs. faith

“We need to make sure we are not saying “I hope God will do this, I prayed for Him to do it, I know the Word of God says He can and will, but I hope He will.” – That is NOT faith. We do not receive anything from God through hope, it is by faith that we please him and receive from Him."

Sandra Hersey (click quote to read the full article)

Oftentimes, God places people, things and opportunities directly in our pathways but we are too busy seeking things & doing things our way that we walk right past what God has intended for us.

It reminds me the story that I often hear preachers tell:

“While out at sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only one survivor. The man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon after he prayed, a boat came by and offered the man some help.

“No thanks,” he said, “I’m waiting on God to come and save me!”

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued on their way. A few hours later, another boat came by offering him help. Again, he politely declined their offer.

“It’s okay,” he told them, “God is going to save me.”

The man was beginning to grow more and more concerned as the hours continued to roll by. Soon after, a helicopter appeared in the sky. The man waved them away, yelling to them, “I’m waiting on God! He’s going to save me!”

After some more time had passed, the man began to lose his faith and soon after that, he died. Upon reaching Heaven the man asked God, “Why did you let me die? Why didn’t you answer my prayers? I had faith and I knew you would save me.” God turned to him and said, “Son, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?”

Of course, this is meant to be comedy but the message behind this story is so relevant. We often pray to God to answer our prayers about something in particular – but because we are so set on receiving our “answer” the way that we want it, we miss out on God. It’s important to lean on Holy Spirit for guidance instead of going through life using our own understanding and relying on things to happen based on our own expectations. God knows what’s best for us, which makes it so vital that we learn to recognize his voice. God is faithful… he loves us and yearns to bless us. He’ll strategically place the answers to your prayers right into your path but if we are not in tune with Him, discerning His voice in our lives, then we can end up like the man in this story (figuratively, of course).

“Trust in the Lord & lean not on your own understanding…” I keep referring back to Proverbs 3:5-6… it is one of my favorite scriptures. Trust God, lean on him for understanding & guidance and make it your purpose to stay in His Will for your life – being who He has called you to be, living the life He wants you to live, receiving those blessings that He desires for you to have. When it comes to answered prayers, He has got you so covered.

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” – Mark 11:24

…just don’t be like the man in this story! God may not always answer us in the way that we want him to but he will always answer with what is best for us. That’s beauty of it.

disappointment or discouragement?

dis·ap·point·ment (d s -point m nt) – (noun)
the feeling of dissatisfaction that results when strongly held expectations are not met

dis·cour·age·ment (d -skûr j-m nt) – (noun)
the feeling of despair in the face of obstacles

Disappointments are inevitable – they touch all of our lives. Unfortunately, life is not like BK… we can’t always have it our way. People let us down, things fall through, opportunities might not work out as we intended. However, discouragement sets in when we allow life’s disappointments to make us unmotivated, hopeless and unenthusiastic. Discouragement leads us to question ourselves and to question our faith. Realize that disappointments are going to happen in life but discouragement is a choice. Trusting in God and his faithfulness is the best feeling – knowing that he will never disappoint. Remember that all things in life work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28). Sometimes we might not understand why things don’t work out or simply why things are the way that they are but rest assured that you can trust in the Lord & that he’s got your back.

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all of your ways and He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

We might not always understand, but God does J Don’t get discouraged when things don’t seem to be going your way, choose to trust in the Lord. He knows what He’s doing and it all will work out in the end. Watch and see! J

It's all good to "wait on God" but sometimes while you're waiting on God to "move", he's waiting on you to do the same. Take a step in faith.

Genuinely Caring about something often gets misread as Concern. I promise you, there is a HUGE difference. Please don't assume that one is Concerned when they simply have the human decency to Care. I swear, that the value of friendships nowadays is plummeting quickly because people lack Care. & being the person that I am, I simply can't get with it.

I cannot and probably will not ever fully understand those individuals who go about life as either an emotionless robot or as self-centered. But, I do understand however, that complaining about people like this will not stop me or anyone else from encountering, or even forming bonds with individuals like them. Unfortunate, but that’s life. The entire world could stop caring for one another but it’s my responsibility to be who I am. And that means that I will continue to love and care for all people in my life – distant, close or on bad terms. If they, so separated from the idea of caring about a friendship or another person other than themselves, incorrectly interpret my CARE as CONCERN, then that honestly, truly is FINE.

Genuine people are hard to come by, so when you do meet them, hold on to them.

& don’t be discouraged by those who are not… their lack of care should never effect YOU and who you are as a person. Smile, pray for them & let it go.

Another Year, Another Lesson...

( I know I’m a little late but I’m finally getting some down time to actually put this post up. Better late than never. J )

In 2010, I learned a lot about myself, more so than I have in any other year. I can honestly say that I do not have any regrets nor any ill feelings when I look back onto my year. Every trying situation was a learning experience, every misguided decision translated to gained insight. I learned how to be more independent, thinking for myself even if others do not get me or understand me and being confident in that. I learned what is best for me in many different areas of life. I’ve also learned what to tolerate and what not to tolerate in those same areas. I’m walking away with much knowledge and simple realizations about myself which I either learned this year, or had reiterated to the point that they became a genuine reality to me. I thought that I would share some. Enjoy.

01 :: Do not ever rationalize people’s actions. Never waste your time picking your brain with questions like: “Why in the world would they do something like that?” or statements like: “I really just don’t understand how they could act like that!” Majority of the time, you and that individual are simply not at the same level of thinking nor on the same maturity level. Therefore, rationalizing their actions from your point of view is pointless.

02 :: No one knows what you are thinking unless you actually speak up and express what’s on your mind. You can’t expect people to read our minds, no matter how obvious the matter may seem.

03 :: If someone must constantly tell you: “I’ve changed! I really have!” or even plead for you to believe that they have, chances are… they probably haven’t.

04 :: Although words speak volumes on their own, actions speak a million and one times louder. People literally will tell you anything. People will do all they can tell you what you want to hear. People talk just to hear themselves talk sometimes. Rule of Thumb: Talk with no action is a problem.

05 :: Your friends don’t always need to know everything. Sometimes you need to work things out on your own; just you and God.

06 :: You can have whatever you say as long as you believe you receive it when you speak it (Mark 11:24)… And as long as it does not contradict God’s Word or his Will. Sometimes we forget that piece.

07 :: You never truly know people the way that you think you do & for that reason, it’s not wise to put your confidence in people. That doesn’t mean that you have to be suspicious of everyone, it simply means… be aware.

08 :: Twitter ruins my perception of so many people. If your Twitter façade makes people question your character, authenticity, or integrity… that’s an issue.

09 :: Twitter has the potential to be the death to modern relationships. Twitter is a set-up for even the most secure relationships. I pray to God, that the next guy that I am genuinely involved with is either:
A. Not on Twitter at all
B. Not obsessed with Twitter (If you tweet more than 50 tweets a day, you’re obsessed in my books!)

010 :: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me Three times, then I seriously need to get myself together.

011 ::Red flags wave at us for a reason & your gut-feeling is 99.9997% accurate. We always ignore it yet in hindsight we always say, “Dang. Something told me *insert what you ignored here*”. Listen to your instincts.

012 :: In your relationship with God, if you always make decisions based on how you feel, you will not get very far. Your spirit man is the one who is righteous, not your flesh. Your flesh will FEEL completely opposite of what your spirit man wants a lot of the time. Obey God, don't be influenced by how you feel!

013 :: If he looks like a Snake, moves like a Snake and talks like a Snake, he’s probably a Snake.

014 :: If he looks like a lion, moves like a lion and talks like a lion, chances are… he might just be a Snake.

015 :: If you have to question whether you are “in love” or if you are just “infatuated”, you’re probably not in love. But, that’s just my opinion… what would I know? lol

016 :: Happiness is a choice.

017 :: Building my relationship with God provides me with a sense of peace, joy and security that I cannot get from anywhere else.

018 :: Despite being confident in myself as a person, I still have a tendency to underestimate myself. Not that I ever think that I am incapable of doing something, I tend to do something, see the amazing results, then find myself surprised at my ability.

019 :: Never regret any experience that once brought a smile to you face. Even if that experience changed for the worse, you gained insight and you grew in ways that never would have been possible if you didn’t experience it. Thank God for those experiences. All things work together for good… (Romans 8:28)

020 :: “Let’s just be friends” never really means that. Translation: “We’ll say we are cordial but ignore each other’s existence”

021 :: One of the worst feelings is looking at someone that you thought you knew well and not being able to recognize them anymore.

022 :: Sometimes we hear scriptures so many times that their meaning completely goes over our heads. It’s amazing that when you pray and ask for revelation, even the most cliché scripture can be deeply moving.

023 :: Don’t ever make excuses for why someone mistreated you.

024 :: “Caring what other people think is a person’s biggest limitation.” - Brittany

025 :: Compromising can be totally unintentional. Intentional or unintentional, compromising your desires, beliefs, etc simply shows that there is a lack of trust in God. You end up conforming your thinking to that of the world, therefore you begin expecting that of the world. We stop trusting God enough to allow him to prove that his Word is true – that he will provide us with things that exceed even our greatest expectations (Ephesians 3:20). We can’t go by what seems to be a reality around us in the world, that’s not faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). & without faith, God cannot move his hand.

026 :: There is a little truth in every lie.

027 :: Distractions come in beautifully wrapped packages. & contained within those packages are usually things that we truly desire… which is how they reel us in. But once you dig to a little deeper into the package, you’ll discover much of what you do NOT what. & usually, by the time that you’re that deep into that package, it’s far too late. Don’t be deceived from the beginning. Consult Holy Spirit before opening any unfamiliar packages ;-)

028 :: “We should stop having such passionate opinions about things that we have no responsibility for” – Joyce Meyer. I have a bad tendency to get annoyed by the things that other people do, yet they’re not my responsibility. No matter how much I’d like to see someone do better, I need to understand that it’s not always my responsibility to get involved.

029 :: Wearing your heart on your sleeve is not bad in and of itself, wearing your heart on your sleeve too soon for someone who wouldn’t be willing to do the same for you is when problems begin to arise.

030 :: When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.

031 :: You’ve got to know who YOU are first before trying to be in a relationship with someone. Think about it. They’re trying to get to know YOU, so if YOU don’t even know YOU … who are they really getting to know?

032 :: If you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells or that you’re compromising your happiness to please someone else, run the other way.

033 :: Everyone is not as put together as they seem.

034 :: People oftentimes use “logic” simply to justify their actions and discredit others in a very illogical manner. If someone doesn’t want to be wrong in their situation, they’ll find a way to make their decisions or opinions seem logical in order to make them “right” and you “wrong”. It’s simple… doesn’t mean that what they’re saying is logical. “Logic” is relative.

035 :: It’s not my responsibility to help everyone, but it is my responsibility to love everyone.

036 :: Currently, my biggest challenge when it comes to my lifestyle is loving others. Jesus commands us to love all people… yes, everyone. This includes the people that we do not like or the ones who talk about us or those ones who get on our LAST nerves. Anyone can love those who love them… Jesus said, what reward is there in that? But loving those who you do not like!? Man. That really is my biggest challenge. In my mind, if I don’t like you – you don’t exist to me. But, I know that is not the love of God.

037 :: You reap what you sow. What goes around comes around. Karma. Whatever you would like to call it… it’s true. Test it and see, lol. Often, people think about this in terms of negative consequences but it works both ways.

038 :: A great way to exercise love for those who it is hard to love, is to pray for them.

039 :: God speaks to me the most through writing, dreams and visions.

040 :: Whatever you focus the most attention to in your daily life, is what becomes magnified in your thinking. Choose wisely.

041 :: “Sometimes we expect more from others simply because we would be willing to do that much for them.”

042 :: The value of friendships and relationships is slowly dwindling as the years progress.

043 :: Probates are more like “going-away” celebrations. But hey, if your friendship changes simply because they went greek, they were never your friend to begin with. Accept that.

044 :: I give people more chances than they usually deserve.

045 :: Keeping your heart guarded in a relationship is safe place to be but it is not a happy place to be.

046 :: Just because you are a genuine person does not mean that everyone operates with that same decency.

047 :: Sometimes it’s hard to accept that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season… but it’s a reality. Once I learned to accept that & learned to appreciate what each person brought to my life while they were in it – it makes life so much more simple.

048 :: Jesus referred to Holy Spirit as the “Helper” and “Friend” for a reason. Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth when you give him the liberty to. The good thing about this Friend is that he was sent to earth by God himself and he will never lead you in any direction but in the one that keeps you in the will of God.

049 :: Nothing that is worthwhile in this life is effortless.

050 :: Being in the will of God is the only place I ever want to be, everywhere else is simply mediocre.

Goodbye 2010 & thanks for all you had to offer me. Hello 2011, I’m looking forward to all you have in store for me. This Year will be my best year yet. 2010 was about insight… 2011 is about action. Watch out for me J

DISTRACTIONS USUALLY COME IN beautifully WRAPPED PACKAGES -

undeniably appealing, pleasurable and desirable. They always, always, always contain a

little, or even a lot of things that we truly desire. Distractions have to have something to catch your eyes and keep your attention, otherwise, that would defeat it's purpose: to distract. However, once ripping off the beautiful wrapping, sparkling bows and ribbons -- we then beginning digging deeper into the package only to discover that beneath the surface, there is much of what we do NOT want and things that we surely did not expect to find contained within. Unfortunately, by the time that we're that deep into the package, it's far too late to back out without there being some type of consequence or effect on our lives.

Do not be deceived from the beginning. Everything that looks good, feels good, smells good, etc is not always what's best for us. Just as God places amazing opportunities and blessing before us, Satan is waiting to place seemingly amazing opportunities in your path as well. His job is to deceive you and get you distracted from the things that God has for you. Jesus referred to Holy Spirit as our "guide", our "helper" and our "friend" for a reason yet we often underestimate this (or maybe we just don't know!). The great thing about it is that the bible says that Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth (John 16:13) if we give him the liberty to and the even more amazing thing is that before Jesus left Earth, he explained that Holy Spirit was sent to Earth by God himself with this sole purpose to help US. Yes, you and I. Whenever we are unsure about anything, as in a new, beautifully wrapped package placed before us, we can consult him and he will guide us in our decision-making if we allow him to.

"When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you what is yet to come."
John 16:13

He will speak what he has heard. Where does he "hear" from? From God himself. The God who promises many times over in the Word that he will take care of us. The God who said, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) If Holy Spirit is hearing from the God that holds our future in our hands, it is important that we trust God enough to put ourselves in the position to hear from him, consult him and acknowledge him in all of our endeavors. There is nothing wrong with asking for guidance and God is more than willing to provide you with it.

LET’S LEARN TO CONSULT HOLY SPIRIT BEFORE OPENING ANY UNFAMILIAR PACKAGES.

growth.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

If God said it...

SOMETIMES WHEN THINGS HAPPEN IN OUR LIVES – WE JUST know THAT IT WAS GOD.

Certain things that happen in life are just far too perfect to be labeled an every day coincidence. We've all encountered those situations, opportunities, or maybe even those run-ins with people who make you smile up to heaven & thank God for being so doggone awesome. You begin thanking him for blessing you with the opportunity. You thank him for always being on time -- always knowing what's best for you. Thank you Lord, thank you, thank you.

Right? Undoubtedly, everyone has experienced something like this in their lifetime. I know I have. Many times. In light of this, I've just been pondering lately: if I am blessed with an opportunity in which I was positive that God placed before me... then what exactly does it mean if nothing actually comes of it? Serious question. The Bible says that God cannot lie, right?

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"

Numbers 23:19

Right.

"The Lord giveth & he taketh like an Indian-giver" - J. Cole

Catchy line J. Cole, but I refuse to believe that.

So, what exactly does it mean? Does it mean that I was maybe prematurely giving thanks to God for something that he never intended for me? Like, did I just miss God completely? Or maybe did I do something to potentially "mess up" the opportunity or situation? Or maybe, if the opportunity I was grateful for was actually another human being, did they possibly something mess up something that God intended? Who really knows?

I hear so many people say, "Why care? If something is meant to happen then it will happen!" or "Girl please, if it doesn't work out then it was never meant to be." I've said these things plenty of times myself but I'm not sure if I actually can agree 100%. Well, I know that I can't agree 100%. Why? Because we are not puppets. God is not in control of our every move and decision.

*gasp* What did she just say?

I'll say it again, God is NOT in control. Anyone who knows me, knows that I cannot stand religious cliches and a popular one that we have all heard is: "God is in control." I understand what is meant here and I would never downplay God's might, ability, power, dominion & overall omnipotence. However, I will not be foolish in thinking that I can sit back in life and coast -- putting no effort in because "God has the steering wheel & I'm just in the passenger seat" (Another cliche that I hate). God is not some tyrant ruling from Heaven, dictating our every move and every decision that we make. He places people, opportunities and situations in our path & then gives us something to decide what we do with them. It's a little thing called: free will. WE choose what path we decide to go down. WE make our own decisions. Whether they line up with what God intended is another story. Making good decisions comes along with knowing God's voice & knowing how to listen to Holy Spirit. & not only listening but allowing yourself to trust & be guided by God. God will gladly be the HEAD of your life, helping to guide your steps...but only if you ALLOW him to. If you have faith in God, then you must ACT like it by giving him that control -- he will never just TAKE it.

Sorry, tangent -- but on that note, God can place an opportunity right in front of our faces -- but if we choose to ignore it & not take the initiative to explore it then we can very well be missing out on something that was "meant to be". So when I see something that I previously spent many days thanking God for just completely dissipate into seemingly nothing -- I can't help but to wonder what the cause was. Surely, it wasn't God's "fault", so what wen't wrong? Was it me? Was it outside influences? If it was another person, was it them? Was it never really meant to be to begin with? Sometimes its good to remember that just as God can place people, situations and opportunities in your life -- so can Satan. And we all know that he will do what he can to get you off course.

So, who knows? There is no real conclusion to this post. No scriptures backing up what I'm saying. No "answer" -- not sure if I was really seeking one or if I was just writing. But, it's my blog. I can do what I want ;-) This was just some food for thought...

Goodnight!