Trust

I wrote about trust previously...

& although I feel as though my thinking has changed a lot from the initial posts that are on this blog -- I don't think it's necessary to beat the topic into the ground.

HOWEVER

At the end of the day, simply holding the idea that you shouldn't put your trust in people doesn't discredit the fact that the person you had faith in let you down.

This whole trust issue is a scary cycle.

A lot of people don't realize how they're actions

-- THEIR LIES, THEIR DECEIT, THEIR SCHEMES --

effect the people that have faith in them.

Anyone can memorize the scripture saying, "It is better to trust in the Lord Than to put confidence in man....." Psalms 118:8 -- but let's be real.

We are all human.

We want to trust the people we care about.

Think of how depressing life would be if you couldn't trust anyone in your life?

I'm just tired of seeing my friends hurt after finding out that the person that they looked up to was a fraud.

Or tired of finding out that the person that I hold to high standards is nothing that they claim to be.

And it sucks to watch someone being hurt after encounters with distrust -- because a common trend seems to be that they begin reciprocating that same behavior to others who don't deserve it.

Vicious & destructive cycle

In my previous blog about trust, I proposed that we "try people out" before committing to putting our full-fledged trust in them:

"Trying a person would be like giving them a chance to prove themselves to you, a chance to sit back and watch a see if they do what they say they're gonna do. See if they are someone who deserves your trust before you get wrapped up in them , thinking you trust them -- only to get hurt once more. Whether you trust them or not, once you give them a try and see that the outcome lines up with what is coming out of their mouths --- you really don't have a choice to "trust them" when the evidence is right in front of you."

Great theory but it's faulty.

Well, what is there to say after the person has been "tried", deemed as "trustworthy" & still breaks that trust in the long run? It is often the most unsuspected that hurt us the most -- the ones we thought ..."NO. NEVER. NOT THEM!" about.

I don't know .

There's really no "point" to this post. I'm just tired of seeing this cycle destroying relationships, friendships and hurting the people that I care about the most.

It's frustrating to watch, frustrating to encounter.

but -- such is life.

Now Playing:

Tank - Heaven
★★★★★

It Takes A Village...

Learning all of this new information in my social work classes has challenged me to consider many perspectives on social issues that I've held stereotypes about my entire life. For example: poverty. There are two basic arguments about impoverished individuals. The first being that they are poor due to lack of motivation, reliance on government assistance, laziness, etc. The second is that they are poor due to their environment and what they are surrounded with.

I have never been 100% on either side because I believe that there are cases on both ends of the spectrum, of course. But, I have always leaned more towards the environmental factors.

We watched "Do the right thing" in multicultural film last semester and when we had to analyze the movie, all the white people in the class began putting down blacks so hard saying that they are poor due to laziness and because they don't try to better themselves. Okay, so I look around the room and the few black people who were in the class just had their heads down like they had nothing to say! And to top it off, my professor was black and she wasn't doing anything but nodding her head and saying "hmm, interesting".

Sidenote

:: Don't ever take Doris Gilliam for ANY class. She is the worst teacher I have had in my entire life. Unorganized, unprofessional, annoying & she doesn't know ANYTHING. The students taught her more than she taught us! worst teacher of life. Run far, far away. Beware. Please.

Well anyway, it ended up being the lone black girl (ME) arguing with like 20 white people trying to combat that stereotype. I used the example of my cousin who was in and out of trouble out in CA for most of his teenage years. He got mixed up in the wrong things because that's all he saw in his environment. He moved out to the suburbs of DC with my family for a while, got a job, got his GED, got into church and got his act together. Now he's in the army, with a beautiful wife and child. All he needed was to get out of the negative environment that he was in. What happens to those people who don't have an aunt and uncle's home on the other side of the country that they can escape to?

What happens to those impoverished individuals whose family has always been in poverty and that's all they have been exposed to? And those individuals who don't see black lawyers, doctors, and policemen coming from their communities? If they don't see it as an obtainable goal, why would they reach for it?

I watched a documentary on the Robert Taylor Homes in South Side Chicago before they were torn down. Omg, it broke my heart. The poverty was like that of a third world country. There were no jobs for them, bad schools which most kids dropped out of, no fathers, no role models. All the saw was poverty, drug-dealing, prostitution, gangs and murder.

If that's all they know then what do you expect?

"They say that it takes a village to raise a child. well, a sick village raises sick children."

Jesse Jackson

Simple, but powerful.

Goodday.

Now Playing:

Heather Headley - In My Mind

I say:★★★★

Ru- Ru- Run Away ♥

Now Playing:

K-Young - Three Years Today

Ok, so I was listening to this song the other day and the question crossed my mind -- so, is K-Young gay? I mean, clearly he is singing about a man in this song. Ok, not that it even matters but it just caught me off guard. I listened to it twice back-t0-back, to see if maybe I was listening to the song too literally or at surface level -- ugh, yeah -- I didn't pick up on any apparent "deepness", lol.

I thought, maybe it's like a song about his dad or something (Similar to Pretty Ricky's song "Can't Live Without You") but then in the second verse he clarified by saying "my only lover". Then in the end he refers to "Bonnie & Clyde". So? But it's whatever -- who cares really? I like this song, it's definitely not his best, but I enjoy it nonetheless.

I just got put on K-Young after getting Yung Berg's most recent mixtape & saying "Who is the guy singing?" in just about every song that I heard & liked. (Don't judge the fact that I have Yung Berg's mixtape, lol! It's really different -- don't sleep on it!)

K-Young's BEST Song, in my opinion is 'I Need Love'. Omgee. Download that bih. Definitely.

poem.

This is a poem that I wrote over the summer, not sure why I never posted it on here.

Disclaimer: fictional poem

When I posted it on Facebook everyone was texting me to "tell them what was going on" and blah blah blah. Lol, it's fictional people. Enjoy :)

but still my lips refused to speak

“Look, we’ve got to talk,

There’s things I must get off my chest.”

My nervous feet paced ‘cross the room,

Uneasy hands played with my dress.

“And I may not make sense to you,

But I swear it’s coming from the heart.”

I stared at him in silence,

Trying to find a place to start.

I sighed…

“First, let me just say,

That yes, I do know who I am.

I’m confident that I’m a queen,

But convinced -- you no longer give a d***.

Seems like you quit building me up,

And committed to destroying my self-esteem.

And what we once called our reality,

Now’s an unrealistic dream.

Who would have imagined that things would change,

And Mr. Brand New would be revealed?

I don’t think I would have signed up this,

If I knew the REAL YOU came with the deal.

And still -- after all this time,

You refuse to step up and be a man.

How can you take the one you “love” for granted,

And have the audacity to call yourself her man?

How dare you call yourself my man,

When I can’t even call you a true friend.

Feeling low -- in need -- on my roughest days,

I can’t even depend on you to take my hand.

You rudely “speak your mind”,

With no concern of how I feel.

But nah, then you just call me sensitive,

Claiming I’m just not used to someone “real”.

How dare you call yourself my man,

Yet disrespect my body and my mind.

Can’t open up ‘bout how you feel,

But quick to let me know that I look good from behind.

Your annoying lack of trust,

I thought my love could conquer over time,

Yet no matter how much I prove I’m different,

You can’t leave your past baggage behind.

How dare you call yourself my man,

When we no longer laugh -- just fuss and scream?

And this, on and off – this, up and down –

Has become our reoccurring theme?

And you’re now so ridiculously selfish,

If it’s “NOT YOUR PROBLEM”, you don’t even try to understand.

And you no longer give me affection,

Yet all of mine you dare command?

I’m so tired of smiling for you,

When all I want to do is cry,

And so sick of staying loyal,

When my heart’s begging me to say goodbye.

But I take my responsibility for this,

‘Cause nothing happened that I ain’t let.

I just got too caught up in trying to revive this,

While never letting you see me sweat.

Baby, I’ve put up with way too much,

And through these months you know I’ve tried,

But sadly, there always comes that point,

When every good thing must divide.

I fell into that trap, thought I could change you,

That was wrong, I do admit.

But I’ll be praying that before you meet the next one,

You’ll somehow learn to show respect.”

Finally, I stopped my nervous pacing,

And I looked up from my rant.

The eyes I saw glaring at me,

Were not the ones that I’d expect.

I was staring at myself inside that mirror,

Finally ready to say all this to you.

Then I was startled by the doorbell --

Wow, you were early, this was new.

I took a slow, deep breath,

I’d been waiting on this moment for a while.

I opened the door slowly,

To be greeted with your sexy dimpled smile.

With my favorite candy in your hands,

You planted a big kiss on my cheek.

My heart was screaming “Tell him!”,

…BUT STILL MY LIPS REFUSED TO SPEAK.

Instead, I hugged you and I smiled,

Pretending to be in great delight…

Why ruin a seldom “perfect moment”,

And just end up in a fight?

Ok, I know, I know --

I’d been rehearsing this all night.

But every time I want to call it off,

That’s when start playing your cards right.

I’m hurting and I’m not happy,

And still have no courage to break up with you tonight.

Cause for once it was all good,

So I mean... I guess that it can wait til later…

........RIGHT? :-\

Now Playing:

Drake ft. Omarion - Bria's Interlude
I say:★★★★

♬♪♫ I wonder why it is I won't let my guard down...

...for anyone but you" ♥

i absolutely adore this song.

(the video, not so much lol)

Now Playing:

I say: ★★★★★