Brings tears to my eyes...

PRODIGAL SON - FRED HAMMOND

tHE LONELIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD IS WITHOUT YOU

Too many of my days Lord, I've tried to spend there

Searching for what I know was only found in you

I strayed so far away...

I wasn't sure you were still there...

But deep in my heart was a faint security

And I could almost feel your open arms

And hear you say to me...

"Prodigal son, Come back to my love

You are the one, That my heart seeks for

Whatever you've done...

I cannot even remember...

Although there are many in my house

It's still empty without my prodigal son"

Have you so much mercy you would pardon me

It's so hard to believe... your love would hide my sins

And even though you take the past far away from me

Could this be a chance to have my place in You again

Speak clear to me Lord...

That my faith would fully mend

If this is a chance to come home...

Then would you please say again...

"Prodigal son, Come back to my love

You are the one, That my heart seeks for

Whatever you've done...

I cannot even remember...

Although there are many in my house

It's still empty without my prodigal son"

"And what makes you think, Im no longer your father

For nothing can separate you from my love

And each day I go out to the road where you departed

Saying maybe today my lost one will come

And in hopes of your return

I stand with open arms, saying..."

"Prodigal son, Come back to my love

You are the one That my heart seeks for

Whatever you've done, I cannot even remember

Although there are many in my house

Fulfill my joy and come to me prodigal son

Please hurry home, Because I love you..."

Hands down, my favorite song ever.

I feel like anyone with a relationship with God can relate to this song at some point in their life. It's such a beautiful representation of God's love for his children. People often hold this misconstrued idea that God is some angry God sitting on his throne waiting to condemn & punish us for doing wrong.

That's not the case.

His love is unconditional & unfailing.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

This song always bring tears to my eyes.

Always.

♥♥

....and a whisperer separates close friends [Proverbs 16:28]

As we grow older, it becomes increasingly important to assess the individuals who we consider to be a part of our daily lives.
Who we decide to associate ourselves with...

Who we call a friend

I stated in an earlier entry that the word "friend" is a dangerous word to throw around recklessly, because it holds so much depth. The majority of us can probably remember the times back-back-back in the day, when trying to answer the question: "Who is your best friend?" was probably the most difficult task ever, lol. And I am also sure, that the majority of us recall that moment in life when we had that light-bulb epiphany where we realized that our number of true friends were waning and the number of associates went skyrocketing. It's reality. We all face it. It's simply a part of life, growth, and maturity.

Even still, losing a friend is never a feel-good process. We are human beings with feelings and emotions and of course, losing someone that you considered trustworthy is never fun but often times, it must be done. If there is one thing that I have learned in my college experience, it is to live your life for YOU & what makes you happy. Not saying to go through life stepping on other peoples' toes or disregarding other peoples' feelings -- but at the end of the day if something or someone is detrimental to your growth, a hindrance to your progression or are providing unwanted and unasked for dead-weight and stress....something has got to give. I don't claim to be an expert on anything, I just like to share what works for me, so I thought I'd give my:

5-steP guide to making healthy decisions when it comes to your friendships :)

Step 1:: PRAY

A lot of people do not realize, that effective prayer is a two-sided ordeal. If you spend all of your time talking to God but do not take the time to listen to him, communication is flawed. Pray for God to open your eyes to peoples' true character and intentions. Ask Him to show you who you should associate yourself with. Ask for insight and discernment when it comes to people's character. Each semester, I have prayed for God to give me discernment about the people who I surround myself with.

"Remove those around me that do not need to be in my life and bring the people into my life that You want to be there."

Routinely, people begin to show their true colors and eventually we distance ourselves. I am a strong believer that prayer works. If you are seeking an answer, God will always tell you. It is just up to you to take the time and initiative to listen.

STEP 2 :: TAKE HEED TO RED FLAGS

If you ask God to open your eyes about something or someone, He will.

There are always red flags and warning signs in unhealthy relationships --- taking heed to them is another story.

I believe that it is normal for us to overlook red flags because oftentimes we seek to see the best in the people we care about. And we should. Plus, it is judgmental and unrealistic to hound on people's imperfections -- of course no one is perfect. However, there are things that are simply unacceptable. My daddy taught me at a young age that if a person's major character flaws are issues with their integrity, beware. That bit of knowledge has yet to fail me. If people begin doing things that make you question their integrity -- take heed to them. Note them, pray about them and keep them in your memory bank for future reference. If it is a true integrity issue, it will resurface in due time.

STEP 3 :: DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU

This is self-explanatory. If a relationship or friendship is having a negative toll on you then you need to figure out what needs to be done to make you happy. No one can tell you what that is but you. By no means is it necessary to always cut relationships off. Sometimes, problems just need to be addressed and patched up. Other times, the relationship might just need a break. Whatever the issue, you usually know what is best deep down -- even if you do not want to acknowledge it.

A good friend of mine always told me, if a friendship is not helping you grow as a person and adding positively to your life and well-being ..... then why is that person being called a friend?

You know when a friendship is becoming detrimental and unsatisfying. Feelings of untrustworthiness, incompatibility, negative attitudes, unnecessary stress or drama, and questions of character are sure signs that a friendship needs to be reevaluated as soon as possible. It's never a pretty situation, but you've got to learn to do what is going to be best for your growth and maturity in life. No need for dead-weight holding you down.

STEP 4 :: REMOVE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Remove yourself from toxic relationships. Simple solution, easier said than done. The hardest thing to do can be working up the courage to cut ties with someone that you were close to. However, if it has to be done, then it has to be done.

Prolonging it only makes matters worse.

When you have prayed about it and understand that it needs to be done, do it. I do not condone cutting people out of your life with no explanation, however. I think that as a "friend" or "former friend" you owe them enough respect to tell them what you are feeling and your ultimate decision. Don't expect them to understand because they probably will not, but then it again, it's not always their place to.

STEP 5 :: UNDERSTAND & KEEP IT MOVING

Realize that everything in life happens in due season. It's important to understand that some people come into your life for a lifetime while other people are only there for a season.

Friends drift apart. It happens.

However, every encounter and friendship that you have was there for a reason, that reason is between you and God. Every relationship touches you some kind of way, it has helped shape who you are as a person. It has given you some level of new insight. Keep that in mind before you want to go around bashing that person or tainting their name.

On a different level, someone might ask how you can "cut someone off" if you are really friends. Easy answer. Understand that a real friend is not going to talking about you behind your back, spread falsehoods about you, lie to you, dismiss your feelings, hurt you, or anything else of that nature.

You are not "cutting off" a friend, you are doing what is best for your personal well-being by removing yourself from the life of someone whose season has exceeded it's expiration date.

Lastly, keep it moving. Please. There is absolutely no need for petty drama, attitudes, mean-mugging, rumors, etc. If it happens between you and a friend, keep it there. The world doesn't need to know. Twitter does not need to know. Facebook does not need to know. There is never an excuse to act uncivilized and immature. If you cannot remain cordial then act as though the person does not exist to you and keep it moving. Realize -- if someone does not exist then their name should not exist in your mouth. Ever. You've just got to completely understand that if it was time to move on, then do so respectfully.

The end ♥♥

Hope this helps someone in the same ways that it has helped me.

oh and P.S.

Always be grateful for the GREAT friends that you do have! :D

Now Playing:

Golden Train - Justin Nozuka

I say:★★★★★

Yay!

Whoa, just found out that KUSH x ORANGE JUICE is droppin' in the morning! It's about time!

And can you believe #kushandorangejuice was actually trending on Twitter? #1 on the Worldwide Timeline!? Two times for this progression.

"Okkkkkk" (Wiz Khalifa voice, bahaha) .

Excitement

♥♥

For all of those individuals asking...

"Who is Wiz Khalifa?"

I'm still taken-aback every time someone asks me that, lol. He's only the best, duh! ;) No but really, I'm not a big fan of rap...at all. Him, Kid Cudi, Drake & Wale are the ultimate vibe for me.

This is one of my favorites by him. Enjoy :)

I say: ★★★★★

Hopefully, I'll be back with a meaningful new entry soon! :)

Trust

I wrote about trust previously...

& although I feel as though my thinking has changed a lot from the initial posts that are on this blog -- I don't think it's necessary to beat the topic into the ground.

HOWEVER

At the end of the day, simply holding the idea that you shouldn't put your trust in people doesn't discredit the fact that the person you had faith in let you down.

This whole trust issue is a scary cycle.

A lot of people don't realize how they're actions

-- THEIR LIES, THEIR DECEIT, THEIR SCHEMES --

effect the people that have faith in them.

Anyone can memorize the scripture saying, "It is better to trust in the Lord Than to put confidence in man....." Psalms 118:8 -- but let's be real.

We are all human.

We want to trust the people we care about.

Think of how depressing life would be if you couldn't trust anyone in your life?

I'm just tired of seeing my friends hurt after finding out that the person that they looked up to was a fraud.

Or tired of finding out that the person that I hold to high standards is nothing that they claim to be.

And it sucks to watch someone being hurt after encounters with distrust -- because a common trend seems to be that they begin reciprocating that same behavior to others who don't deserve it.

Vicious & destructive cycle

In my previous blog about trust, I proposed that we "try people out" before committing to putting our full-fledged trust in them:

"Trying a person would be like giving them a chance to prove themselves to you, a chance to sit back and watch a see if they do what they say they're gonna do. See if they are someone who deserves your trust before you get wrapped up in them , thinking you trust them -- only to get hurt once more. Whether you trust them or not, once you give them a try and see that the outcome lines up with what is coming out of their mouths --- you really don't have a choice to "trust them" when the evidence is right in front of you."

Great theory but it's faulty.

Well, what is there to say after the person has been "tried", deemed as "trustworthy" & still breaks that trust in the long run? It is often the most unsuspected that hurt us the most -- the ones we thought ..."NO. NEVER. NOT THEM!" about.

I don't know .

There's really no "point" to this post. I'm just tired of seeing this cycle destroying relationships, friendships and hurting the people that I care about the most.

It's frustrating to watch, frustrating to encounter.

but -- such is life.

Now Playing:

Tank - Heaven
★★★★★

It Takes A Village...

Learning all of this new information in my social work classes has challenged me to consider many perspectives on social issues that I've held stereotypes about my entire life. For example: poverty. There are two basic arguments about impoverished individuals. The first being that they are poor due to lack of motivation, reliance on government assistance, laziness, etc. The second is that they are poor due to their environment and what they are surrounded with.

I have never been 100% on either side because I believe that there are cases on both ends of the spectrum, of course. But, I have always leaned more towards the environmental factors.

We watched "Do the right thing" in multicultural film last semester and when we had to analyze the movie, all the white people in the class began putting down blacks so hard saying that they are poor due to laziness and because they don't try to better themselves. Okay, so I look around the room and the few black people who were in the class just had their heads down like they had nothing to say! And to top it off, my professor was black and she wasn't doing anything but nodding her head and saying "hmm, interesting".

Sidenote

:: Don't ever take Doris Gilliam for ANY class. She is the worst teacher I have had in my entire life. Unorganized, unprofessional, annoying & she doesn't know ANYTHING. The students taught her more than she taught us! worst teacher of life. Run far, far away. Beware. Please.

Well anyway, it ended up being the lone black girl (ME) arguing with like 20 white people trying to combat that stereotype. I used the example of my cousin who was in and out of trouble out in CA for most of his teenage years. He got mixed up in the wrong things because that's all he saw in his environment. He moved out to the suburbs of DC with my family for a while, got a job, got his GED, got into church and got his act together. Now he's in the army, with a beautiful wife and child. All he needed was to get out of the negative environment that he was in. What happens to those people who don't have an aunt and uncle's home on the other side of the country that they can escape to?

What happens to those impoverished individuals whose family has always been in poverty and that's all they have been exposed to? And those individuals who don't see black lawyers, doctors, and policemen coming from their communities? If they don't see it as an obtainable goal, why would they reach for it?

I watched a documentary on the Robert Taylor Homes in South Side Chicago before they were torn down. Omg, it broke my heart. The poverty was like that of a third world country. There were no jobs for them, bad schools which most kids dropped out of, no fathers, no role models. All the saw was poverty, drug-dealing, prostitution, gangs and murder.

If that's all they know then what do you expect?

"They say that it takes a village to raise a child. well, a sick village raises sick children."

Jesse Jackson

Simple, but powerful.

Goodday.

Now Playing:

Heather Headley - In My Mind

I say:★★★★

Ru- Ru- Run Away ♥

Now Playing:

K-Young - Three Years Today

Ok, so I was listening to this song the other day and the question crossed my mind -- so, is K-Young gay? I mean, clearly he is singing about a man in this song. Ok, not that it even matters but it just caught me off guard. I listened to it twice back-t0-back, to see if maybe I was listening to the song too literally or at surface level -- ugh, yeah -- I didn't pick up on any apparent "deepness", lol.

I thought, maybe it's like a song about his dad or something (Similar to Pretty Ricky's song "Can't Live Without You") but then in the second verse he clarified by saying "my only lover". Then in the end he refers to "Bonnie & Clyde". So? But it's whatever -- who cares really? I like this song, it's definitely not his best, but I enjoy it nonetheless.

I just got put on K-Young after getting Yung Berg's most recent mixtape & saying "Who is the guy singing?" in just about every song that I heard & liked. (Don't judge the fact that I have Yung Berg's mixtape, lol! It's really different -- don't sleep on it!)

K-Young's BEST Song, in my opinion is 'I Need Love'. Omgee. Download that bih. Definitely.

poem.

This is a poem that I wrote over the summer, not sure why I never posted it on here.

Disclaimer: fictional poem

When I posted it on Facebook everyone was texting me to "tell them what was going on" and blah blah blah. Lol, it's fictional people. Enjoy :)

but still my lips refused to speak

“Look, we’ve got to talk,

There’s things I must get off my chest.”

My nervous feet paced ‘cross the room,

Uneasy hands played with my dress.

“And I may not make sense to you,

But I swear it’s coming from the heart.”

I stared at him in silence,

Trying to find a place to start.

I sighed…

“First, let me just say,

That yes, I do know who I am.

I’m confident that I’m a queen,

But convinced -- you no longer give a d***.

Seems like you quit building me up,

And committed to destroying my self-esteem.

And what we once called our reality,

Now’s an unrealistic dream.

Who would have imagined that things would change,

And Mr. Brand New would be revealed?

I don’t think I would have signed up this,

If I knew the REAL YOU came with the deal.

And still -- after all this time,

You refuse to step up and be a man.

How can you take the one you “love” for granted,

And have the audacity to call yourself her man?

How dare you call yourself my man,

When I can’t even call you a true friend.

Feeling low -- in need -- on my roughest days,

I can’t even depend on you to take my hand.

You rudely “speak your mind”,

With no concern of how I feel.

But nah, then you just call me sensitive,

Claiming I’m just not used to someone “real”.

How dare you call yourself my man,

Yet disrespect my body and my mind.

Can’t open up ‘bout how you feel,

But quick to let me know that I look good from behind.

Your annoying lack of trust,

I thought my love could conquer over time,

Yet no matter how much I prove I’m different,

You can’t leave your past baggage behind.

How dare you call yourself my man,

When we no longer laugh -- just fuss and scream?

And this, on and off – this, up and down –

Has become our reoccurring theme?

And you’re now so ridiculously selfish,

If it’s “NOT YOUR PROBLEM”, you don’t even try to understand.

And you no longer give me affection,

Yet all of mine you dare command?

I’m so tired of smiling for you,

When all I want to do is cry,

And so sick of staying loyal,

When my heart’s begging me to say goodbye.

But I take my responsibility for this,

‘Cause nothing happened that I ain’t let.

I just got too caught up in trying to revive this,

While never letting you see me sweat.

Baby, I’ve put up with way too much,

And through these months you know I’ve tried,

But sadly, there always comes that point,

When every good thing must divide.

I fell into that trap, thought I could change you,

That was wrong, I do admit.

But I’ll be praying that before you meet the next one,

You’ll somehow learn to show respect.”

Finally, I stopped my nervous pacing,

And I looked up from my rant.

The eyes I saw glaring at me,

Were not the ones that I’d expect.

I was staring at myself inside that mirror,

Finally ready to say all this to you.

Then I was startled by the doorbell --

Wow, you were early, this was new.

I took a slow, deep breath,

I’d been waiting on this moment for a while.

I opened the door slowly,

To be greeted with your sexy dimpled smile.

With my favorite candy in your hands,

You planted a big kiss on my cheek.

My heart was screaming “Tell him!”,

…BUT STILL MY LIPS REFUSED TO SPEAK.

Instead, I hugged you and I smiled,

Pretending to be in great delight…

Why ruin a seldom “perfect moment”,

And just end up in a fight?

Ok, I know, I know --

I’d been rehearsing this all night.

But every time I want to call it off,

That’s when start playing your cards right.

I’m hurting and I’m not happy,

And still have no courage to break up with you tonight.

Cause for once it was all good,

So I mean... I guess that it can wait til later…

........RIGHT? :-\

Now Playing:

Drake ft. Omarion - Bria's Interlude
I say:★★★★

♬♪♫ I wonder why it is I won't let my guard down...

...for anyone but you" ♥

i absolutely adore this song.

(the video, not so much lol)

Now Playing:

I say: ★★★★★

Negativity is infectious .

The people that you choose to surround yourself with play a more crucial role in your life than you may realize. Negative attitudes are an infectious disease. If you surround yourself with pessimistic individuals -- watch how quickly your positive attitude will wane. And vice versa: if you're in the pits, put yourself amongst people who have an optimistic nature and see the difference in your walk.

"What you choose to direct your focus to is what you choose to give precedence to"

dR. mICHAEL A. fREEMAN

(my pastor whom I miss dearly lol)

Focus on the negative, expect negativity to take precedence in your life. Focus on the positive...yeah, you get it.

Wise words. Funny how the most influential words of encouragement are usually the most simple. Then in turn, the most simple are usually the most difficult to implement.

Now Playing:

Sizzla - Dry Cry
I say:★★★★

haha, this might be the absolute wrong song to go with this post -- but hey, it's what I'm listening to ! The beat is cheery, despite the words :)

Chameleons & Fakes

I'm sure you have befriended a few.

Haven't we all?

You know that person. When they are with you, they are just like you. You like Kid Cudi, they like Kid Cudi. You like gummy bears, they like gummy bears. You hate....the color orange, and omgee -- THEY hate orange.

Yep, then when they're with the next person? The next person hates Kid Cudi, so do they -- his music is nothing but emo rap. The next person hates gummy bears, so do they -- gummy bears are such a children's candy. The next person loves the color orange, and yep -- they love it even more.

Okay true, I'm being a little ridiculous with this example but you get my drift. We all know that person that changes :: the way they talk, the slang they use, their attitude, their thoughts, the way they dress, the way they laugh --- they change everything about themselves depending which crowd they decide to associate themselves with that day.

Ok, number one -- a chameleon is no different than a fake. Who are you? There is a difference between adapting to the people around and becoming the people around you. If you like Kid Cudi, then you like Kid Cudi. If your next friend does not, what goes through your head that tells you to suppress your like for him to agree with their dislike?

If you know good-and-doggone-well, when you go shopping you check that clearance rack first -- why when you're out with your uppity friend who mentions that they wouldn't be caught dead huddled around a clearance rack ...you laugh, high-five her and nod your head in approval? Then you have to walk past that clearance rack, holding your jacket closed in hopes that your uppity friend doesn't realize that the shirt you have on is the hanging right on that clearance rack where you found it last week?

(ahaha, ok -- I'm doing the most with this example, moving on...)

When they're with the good girls, they're a good girl. When they're with the quiet shones, they're a quiet shone. When they're with........ok, you get it, lol.

Number 2 -- When you go home at night and look at yourself in the mirror -- who do you identify with? The group that you are around defines who you are, so who are you when they're not there? I can't imagine that it feels good to realize that the "friends" who love you, love someone that you cannot even relate to when not in their presence.

I understand that not everyone is comfortable in their skin -- please don't take this a judgemental rant -- it's just something that I have been observing a lot lately. In extreme measures. Ladies, either you drink or you don't. You're a virgin, or you're not. Men, you're GAY or you're not. You like her, or you don't. Man, I tell ya....lol.

Hm, and on another note. Either you are someone's friend -- or you are NOT. All this fake -- "Ooh-I-Hate-That-Hoe-But-Ima-Yell-HEYYY-Hug-Her-Neck-And-Smile-In-Her-Face-When-I-See-Her" -- is ridiculous.

And quite frankly, associates who have the audacity to lean over to me and tell me how much you can't stand somebody -- then do what I've stated above...I'm just going to begin looking at you sideways. I look at people's actions, not their words. If they line-up, great. If not, I take note of the discrepancies and store that away for future reference. A fake is a fake and I will not for one minute think of myself as fake-friend proof. That is what I like to call: a set up for failure.

Fake friends, chameleons, haters...or your friends? It can be hard to differentiate between them at times, right? Right. I believe the word: "friend" is thrown around too loosely -- to the point that it really has lost it's meaning. A genuine friend is hard to find, #cliche (sorry, twitter talk -- it happens) associates come in the dozens -- it's just necessary to know when and where to draw the line.

Aw man, & just to throw this out there -- there is nothing worse than a hater disguised as your friend! That one who politely shoots down your aspirations. Or kindly insults you -- claiming that it is reconstructive criticism wrapped in a little love, lol. That one who can't stand to see you happier than they are. Fake friends, hating friends -- tsk tsk.

I don't know why I decided to write about this after this haitus, lol. Just seemed kind of interesting, I guess.

Now Playing:

Wiz Khalifa ft. Josh Everette -- Right Here
I say: ★★★★★ , download this bih !