sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?

From as far back as I can remember, I have always been able to recall my dreams regularly -- then I might go a week or two where I don't remember my dreams, but for the most part I always remember them. I had a period when all my dreams had something to do with water [watching my friends drown and trying to save them, saving people off of a ship thats sinking and rowing them to shore, going swimming but the surface was like glass and couldn't get thru] ... always have weird dreams. some are serious like the ones i just mentioned, but most of the time they are extremely ridiculous and if they did have meaning, I can't imagine how, lol.

Last summer I had this crazy dream about the guy I was crushing on -- didn't think much of it because it's not strange for me to dream about people in my life, of course. this one just stood out because it was so strange, dealing with grapefruit, broken glass, pictures, intersections, bricks -- just a bunch of randomness. I thought it was strange and decided to tell him about it. Guess that's the type of stuff he's into because he broke the dream down so easily -- saying that each item in the dream symbolized something. Once he put meaning to the objects -- the dream told a story. it was pretty creepy, lol. cool, but creepy.

The thing about it, is that I dream so frequently but it's rare that I have dreams that stick out to me. This week, every dream I've had has tied into the previous somehow and it's scary. I rather not talk about the topic of the dreams because it's pretty weird. I'm just wondering if dreams really do have meaning. I mean, I think they do...but how are you supposed to know? I'm no dream interpreter lol.

♥

:-|

Don't you hate it when people text YOU, then they have the nerve to text you things like "oh", "yeah", and "ok" -- like they expect you to keep the conversation going? you texted me!

Oohh, or how about when people CALL you and sit on the phone in silence - hemming and hahing like that don't know what to talk about? Why did you just call me if you ain't have nothing to say?


GAHH!
bye!

disappointment&trust.

One of the worst feelings to me is disappointment.

Disappointment in yourself...

Disappointment in you friends...

Disappointment in -- xy and z.

It's all the same. For me lately, it's disappointment in the people I choose to surround myself with. Seems like you never really know who people actually are -- even when you've known them for years. Or maybe deep down, you knew -- just chose to overlook it. I think I choose to overlook people faults because I mean, duh, no one is perfect and who am I to judge people because they slip up here and there? But idk. This ties back into what I was saying in previous blogs about how I'm feeling like you can't really trust much of anyone. Coming from me, thats a big deal because I have this sort of inverted trust problem, lol. A lot of people can't trust anyone, but me, I tend to trust any and everyone usually. I believe[d] that if you haven't given me a reason NOT to trust you, then Ima trust you until you do. AKA -- set up for getting hurt. It seemed like my thinking changed overnight on the issue. It's kind of sad when I think about it because I don't like to feel like that about people but I mean.....................it only makes sense.



And uh, never really thought about it but -- maybe trust is just a little bit overrated. How many times do we hear people in relationship or friendship crying and upset saying: "but I trusted him!" or "Man, I can't believe her! I trusted her!" and "I can't believe ____ would do me like that! They trusted me with everything!" or even in just regular friendships or with associates you find out the so&so did xy&z and your response is "wow, i never imagined they'd do something like that!" or "omg, she doesn't seem like she's the type to act like that!" ......do you ever really know people like you think you do?.................................so? I'm thinking trust is overrated right now...unless of course it's in a relationship or a serious friendship. But besides that --- why not "try" someone out before committing to "trusting" them. Trying a person would be like giving them a chance to prove themselves to you, a chance to sit back and watch a see if they do what they say they're gonna do. See if they are someone who deserves your trust before you get wrapped up in them , thinking you trust them -- only to get hurt once more. Whether you trust them or not, once you give them a try and see that the outcome lines up with what is coming out of their mouths --- you really don't have a choice to "trust them" when the evidence is right in front of you. If they do what they say they're gonna do then the evidence is right there staring you in the face, no need to try to "believe it" -- it's right there, proven. And on the flipside, we all want people to be able to trust us. If someone doesn't trust you like you think they should....why get all upset about it? Just let them try you, and once your outcome lines up with what came out of your mouth -- they have no choice but to see that who are who you say you are and you do what you say you're going to do. Think about it, trust is built from having your expectations met and/or exceeded.


But on a different note..... doesn't the Bible clearly tell you not to trust people?

"Do not trust in a friend; do not put your confidence in a companion;"
Micah 7:5

"It is better to trust in the Lord Than to put confidence in man....."
Psalms 118:8

"Do not put your trust in princes or in man, in whom there is no help."
Psalm 146:3

Before people get all worked up about that, I don't think God means to never ever trust anyone in life, but I think that people put all of their trust in man...which can be in the relationships, friendships, work, the government or anything. People get wrapped up relying on other people to meet their needs and wants --- but man in not reliable. Man is wishy-washy as we all know. So do not put all of your trust in man because that is simply a recipe for f a i l u r e. But instead...


"As for God, His way is perfect. The word of the Lord is proven, He is a shield to all who trust in Him" Psalm 18:30


This blog definitely was not intended to be this long! Wow. Oh well, but sorry for rambling.
bye.

desire.

This the first poem that I have written in years [thanks Brittany for the inspiration!]. It's meant to be a spoken word poem so that is why it's broken up the way it is.











Desire.


I never knew that desire,
Could -- feel so strong. That I could…
Disregard my morals,
And willingly string myself along.
So consumed with this want,
I imagine that with you’s where I belong. And…
Just one of your sweet smiles,
Simply eradicates this wrong.


See, just one of those dimpled smiles,
Turned this, undeniable wrong into an -- unmistakable right. And your…
Inspiration touches me so deep,
That it’s guiding this pen as I write. Yes…
Clinging these pillows firm to my chest, You are…
Who I’m longing to embrace at night. And your...
Intellect stimulates much more than my mind,
Now I’m wrestling with emotion that I’ve never had to fight.


See, I never ran across any guy who…
Seemingly cares about my every endeavor, Whose…
Ambitious lifestyle motivates my own, And..
…got me thinking like I’m a go-getter. Whose…
Patience with my purity,
Has me, lusting for the opposite like I don’t know better and...
Whose simple smiley-faced text,
Can make me smile as though reading a love letter.


See, I never knew they existed,
Til, fate intervened and I … stumbled ‘cross you.
And yea, such little time has passed, But it…
Only takes one lasting impression to create something new.And now my…
Thinking has changed and my soul you have moved.
And see, we both know this shit is wrong. We just…
Choose to play this game of oblivion as we look past the truth.
So, I’ve got to let it go –
These feelings and emotions that I’ve cultivated and grew. Because…
In the same way that I’ve got this desire for you,
I’m sure you keep ‘wifey’ feeling the same way too.

O M G ! yes @ 4am

Ok, sooo it's 4am and I was listening to poetry on youtube and ran across this. And YO this piece straight up, hands down confirmed that Brook Yung is my all time favorite spoken word poet EVER! He is a m a z i n g -- this is the most powerful peace I have ever heard! His poems alway move me, real talk! Dude is siccckkkk. I'm trying to refrain from becoming a groupie but it's hard! LMAO

... that last part was a joke -_-

Enjoy!

Sick.

And he only got 3rd place for that! WTH?

Goodnight.

Man it's night's like these...

why are the things that are:

- o f f ♥ l i m i t s
- u n o b t a i n a b l e
- f o r b i d d e n
- o u t - o f - s t o c k , lol
- u n a c c e p t a b l e

always the most:

- a p p e a l i n g.
- a d m i r e d.
- d e s i r e d & w a n t e d.


The fact that they seem unobtainable only seems to intensify the desire -- maybe because we want what we know we can't have. [Or what we THINK we can't have...because nothing is impossible. We psych ourselves out sometimes thinking things are out of our reach but there is a God, ya know? That's a different topic.]
It's human nature.
I don't like to look at it that way honestly. I
don't because ... I have fallen victim of it before...as I'm sure we all can attest we have at some point in our lives.
Whether it be something trivial to something life-changing.
I just know personally things don't become desired simply because they seem "unobtainable".
But then...i don't know.
I was just thinking about it.
It's past my bedtime♥

spoken word = ♥

B. Yung = a BEAST!
Love this poem!

Who cares?

Just a quick thought....

Why do people -- and I'll include myself -- get so wrapped up in the lives of other people? I think back to a lot of the conversations that take place in my everyday life and they're about other people, what they're doing, who they're with, and blah blah blah.

Or take a look at E! and TMZ -- people make a living off of worrying about what other people are doing with their lives. Who cares? What purpose does that serve at the end of the day? If we take that time we invest in caring about what other people are doing [which is completely irrelevant to OUR lives] and use that to figure out what WE need, what WE should be doing, and where WE need to be directing our lives, I think the outcome would be a lot more positive.

Wise thoughts from a wise man :). Again, I thank God for these people He has placed in my life to motivate me! Things like this seem sooo simple but have so much meaning. This summer is dedicated to ME :) Time to re-evalute! This is the fun part... :D

f e a r .

Accidents. Rejection. Swine Flu. Failure. Murder. Poverty. The future?

Sooo, it definitely can be a bit overwhelming sometimes – thinking that in a few years I’m gonna be out on my own, in the real world, and starting a family of my own. So many different possible roads and paths – what to expect, what to expect? On top of that, we turn on the news each night only to be bombarded with horrifying stories, leading to a bunch of “OMGs”and “what ifs”. Often we fear the future and what will become of us – it’s natural to wonder, but not healthy to fear. Fear only means that there is a lack of trust in God. It’s a lot easier than you think to start getting wrapped up in fear and not even realize it, though. (For example, you watch a scary movie about a psycho serial killer – then something simple like walking through the dark or sitting in the house alone leaves you feeling on edge and paranoid. Hmm. ) But think about it this way, it says in the Bible that God cares for the birds of the air, so how much more will He provide for His own children?

"So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" Matthew 10:31

One of the most powerful scriptures that exemplifies the power of trusting in God is Psalms 56:11 which says : “In God I trust, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Regardless of what is happening around us, we need to make sure that we truly know and understand the power of God. The key to overcoming fear is having faith enough to completely trust in Him. It is turning to God even in the worse circumstances, darkest times – or whatever and trusting Him, knowing that his hand of protection is on your life regardless. Once we have learned to put our trust in God, we will no longer be afraid of the things that are to come in our future. But one thing for sure, is we have to realize that the weapons may be formed against us, but God’s Word assures us that no weapon will prosper against us. The Bible is God’s Word and God says that He is not a man that He should lie. So trust Him.

“Do not fear for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

random ramblings @ this time in the morning *sigh* my body clock is so off.

Just that ONE person....

It is amazing the impact that an individual can have on your life. The influence they have, no matter how minute or how grand it may seem, inevitably leaves a mark on our lives whether we notice it or not. I thank God for the people that he has strategically placed in my life to help build me and mold me into the young woman that He wants me to be. As I always say, nothing happens without rhyme or reason -- everyone who is in my life is there for a reason and each one serves a purpose. Some may be there to give me something to strive for and look up to, while others may be there to show me a glimpse of who I do not want to be [Kanye says it best: "Everything I'm not, made me everything I am." lol], some may be there to uplift me, some individuals are there to get me off course [Just as God can place people in your life, so can Satan as he tries to detour you in life -- and trust, he tries hard.], some are there to just be good friends, good mentors, and great motivators -- and it's so easy to overlook at times. Not all situations will be positive. Life brings brings you fake friends, bad relationships and immature people you must deal with on a regular basis....but instead of looking at it as something negative, I have learned to look at situations and see what I've learned or what I can take from the situation for the future. There is always something. Life is just a big learning process for me right now. Nonetheless, I'm thankful for it because whether I realize it at the time of not, every person that I am in contact with and/or form a relationship/friendship with is helping to shape me into the person I am becoming.

Just my thoughts for the day.

On a different note, Happy Mother's Day♥

Today was my first time back @ SOFCC since December and it was so refreshing to be back at my own church with my own pastors! Ahh. Missed them! As always, we went to church this morning as a family. No sermon today, Pastor Mike just honored to mothers [first time mother's, mother with the most children present, and the oldest mother each got $1000] Nice service, they kept us laughing as usual! After, mom wanted to go to Cheesecake Factory for Mother's Day, so we went and had some great convo as a family. Just an all around beautiful day! ♥